I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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