$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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