My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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