I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
