i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
