How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
