What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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