I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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