Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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