She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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