was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
