my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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