Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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