I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
