I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
