I want to walk on stilts...naked
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
