watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
pray to the hookup gods
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
