the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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