I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
