she was so not down for the gang bang
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
