I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
