we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
