What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
