I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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