Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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