The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
