Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
