East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
