I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
