And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
