I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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