i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
