You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
