so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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