the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
