So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
