That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
