i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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