no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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