there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
