I wish I could teleport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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