Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
