I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
