so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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