did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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