i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
