So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
