I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
