I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
