coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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